This Is How We Do It . . .

I had an interesting conversation with my 13 year old last night - about drinking and smoking pot - at the end of which I was reminded that not everyone shares my special method of parenting this age, and that is totally cool.  What wasn't cool is that I felt completely judged.  Bleh.

 Here are a few things you might not know about our little family . . .

1. These are my boys - 13 & 16 years old.  They frequently have their phones out at the dinner table when we go out to eat.  I make them put them away when the food comes.  Sometimes they show me really funny things and we all giggle.  Nothing like having a "shared experience" over a goofy Vine.
2. I am a firm believer that it is better to know the truth about what they are doing than have them lie to me.  Sometimes this leaves me walking a bit of a gray line, since I also have to be clear with them about what isn't great about some of the things they do.  For starters, it's illegal - but we also talk about a lot of the physical things that can happen too.  Just because they tell me the truth doesn't mean I am condoning the behavior.
3. I don't drink or smoke pot - because it doesn't make me feel good.  Which means that there is never any alcohol or anything else in my house.  To be clear, I don't care if my friends drink or smoke pot (in moderation of course), I just can't do it.  I do love a good Gin & Tonic . . . but it's usually not worth the stabbing stomach pains later.  Boo Hoo.
4. My ex-husband works in the booming, newly-legalized-in-Washington-State Marijuana industry.  He was unemployed for a long, long time - which is part of the reason we had to sell our house.  I am so glad he has a job, especially one that involves two things he is passionate about - Sales and Pot.  Just keeping it real - the dude is 54 and grew up in Hawaii in what he likes to call the "Just Say Yes" era.  It's in his blood.  (& no he's not selling weed, he works for a company that makes Vapes and another one that is now producing oils.)  Like I said, I'm thrilled he has a job.  I don't know what he does in his free time when the boys are with me, but I'm fairly certain that he's keeping the work thing professional when they are around - and in no way is he endorsing underage use of Marijuana.
5. The combination of #3 & #4 allows for some really, really funny conversations.  The older one told me that he was out last night and met a girl whose Dad is a politician.  He said "Oh that's cool . . . my Dad sells Vapes."  I'm so glad we can laugh about our unique family/work/life situation.
6. I never drank or smoked pot in middle school or high school.  Most of the parents I know who are super hopped up about their kids NOT doing those things, DID do crazy things as teenagers.  Isn't that ironic?

The bottom line is that keeping an open line of communication about all things works for our family.  And as such, I really don't care what other people think.  (Thank you Martha Beck for the amazing insight last weekend!)  I know it probably isn't very popular, and I also know there are parts of it that can be dangerous, and I'm going to keep doing what I do.  And I will never, ever judge another parent for doing things a different way that works for their family.

Have you seen that new breastfeeding vs. formula commercial that came out not too long ago?  At the end of the day can't we all just support each other in raising our kids to be good adults?  OK - maybe it's a little bit of a different conversation, but I think the end results are the same.

 
I have a great relationship with my boys, and they are amazing teenagers who are turning into really cool young adults.  And on this Mother's Day - I couldn't ask for anything more.

Comments

[Tamara]

I love your attitude! To me, "walking the gray line" is the way to go. Trying dangerous things, discovering your boundaries, what you can and can't deal with, and how, are all part of healthy life attitude. It's great when kids can feel supported in their natural desire to try things, and can have gentle guidance and protection while at it. Thank you for being a wise mama :).